Intimacy Beyond the Five Love Languages: Speak the Unique Language of Your Love | Alchemy of Love
Each person’s love language is different because each of us is different. What makes each person a miracle, including you, is that we each exist only once in this singular and special form.
No one else shares your exact experiences, thoughts, preferences, or perspective on life. No one loves exactly the way you do.
Think about that for a moment. No one else in the world expresses love the same way you do.
That’s true for your partner as well. There’s no one else like them.
The magic of your relationship is the joining together of two entirely unique people to create an entirely unique relationship— one that has never existed before and will never exist again.
That’s why trying to pick the one or two love languages from the five options listed in a book will, at best, only point you in a general direction you can start exploring together.
On the other hand, learning the love language of your relationship could become an adventure that lasts a lifetime.
True love and intimacy are experiences shared between people. This means paying attention to how open, present, and receptive you are in your relationship.
These moments when both people are paying attention to each other— without distraction— are moments of attuned connection. They’re the times when we really feel alive and they’re at the heart of love and intimacy. They’re relationship gold.
Whatever is expressed during this time (words or touch), or as a reminder of this time (gifts or acts of service), is the language of your love.
Love invites us to become vulnerable, and that’s why relationships can be scary. We don’t want to get hurt and sometimes, in trying to protect ourselves from being hurt, we close up.
We believe we can’t get hurt if we’re not open. This is something we see again and again with couples, who discover that despite not being open to their partner, they’re still fully capable of being hurt by them. The only difference is that they’ve closed themselves off to being able to express and fully receive love.
Trying to make yourself invulnerable to being hurt by your partner doesn’t prevent getting hurt, but it does prevent connection.
Love requires knowing each other…knowing likes and dislikes, knowing each other’s history and experiences, knowing each other’s thoughts and hopes and dreams.
In essence, love requires having access to each other’s inner worlds and knowing where to watch your step and tread with care over the tender spots.
Letting someone know you this way requires courage. Being open feels risky because it asks that we let our guard down in order to be known and understood.
It is a risk, and it’s also an opportunity . . . because it’s the only way to love and be loved fully.
It’s the only way to learn the language of your relationship. Choosing to stay open, looking for opportunities to share expressions of love, helps your relationship develop its own unique vocabulary and rhythm.
The more you share, the better you know each other. You understand how you fit together in your unique relationship.
