The 5 Love Languages And Our Weaknesses With Them
5. Physical Touch
And then there’s Physical Touch. Holding hands, giving hugs, locking arms, kissing, playing with hair, rubbing shoulders. When we have a strong sensitivity for Physical Touch, we long for affection through the way people physically come in contact with us. We can attribute this to our infancy, where a healthy and physically stimulating upbringing (e.g. – being held and kissed) leads to a healthy and emotionally secure attachment to people in adulthood (more on secure attachment soon). We all longed for physical appreciation as babies, but as we grew up, only some of us held on to the deepest love we felt from Physical Touch.
On the surface level, we come to think that Physical Touch is the build up to more sexual interaction and touching, but this is not the entire case. When searching for Physical Touch, this could mean needing a physical shoulder to lean on and cry on. Or a soft touch on the arm as you make your morning coffee before a busy day. Or the squeezing of hands as you hear the news of your best friend in the hospital. Touching can mean many different things to different people / families / societies / countries. And when we’re most aligned with this love language, we must actively convey how important it us for us to be reassured of love through touch.
Showing Love Through Physical Touch:
When conveying our affection for another through this language, keep in mind how they frequently try to touch you. This is probably how they’d like to be treated as well. Do they squeeze you hard when they hug? Do that. Do they give you surprise kisses? Do that. Do they cling to your arm as you walk through the Loblaws aisles looking for ice cream? Do that. They want to be loved through your physical intimacy.
Rub their backs as you squeeze them tight.
Take them in your arms as you walk down the street.
Reach for their hands while driving.
If separated by distance for a significant amount of time, give them a personal item of clothing — this stimulates feelings of you being there as they wear your shirt / hoodie / hat / pants.
People of masculine energy traits tend to exaggeratively show how comfortably touchy they’d like to be (ultimately leading to deeper sexual actions), and if their partner best identifies with Physical Touch, they’d grow a strong bond of affection. However, this active touchiness often dies down as comfort starts to set in in the relationship. This leads to misalignment in expectations. You need to fix this. You need to actively communicate and see how often, and of what variety, they like to be touched.
Shielding Ourselves From Hurtful Physical Touch:
Physical Touch puts an emphasis on the need for positive physical contact with another, and much like the negatives of being sensitive to Quality Time, the opposite extreme of positive physical touch is not being physical at all. Being distant and almost cold. Actively feeling ignored and not adequate enough to be held. The difference with the negative side of needing Quality Time is that when we lack Physical Touch, our partners may be near and having meaningful conversation and shared activities with us, but they just don’t seem to want to hold us.
This is highly in part due to our upbringing. We weren’t all raised with handsy families, and don’t always take touch the same way. Some can even find it annoying (i.e. – public display of affection). But if you yourself speak the language of Physical Touch, you require this form of affection. To do this, I believe we must approach it in the same way that one would request more affection through Receiving Gifts: we must actively breakdown the norms around touch. Not necessarily society’s norms, but our partners mindset around being touchy. They may even call it clingy. But to you, you require that form of affection. So tell them.
Communicate this to them. Go out of your way to politely ask for a tender kiss every once in a while. Tell them how much it means to you to hold their hand. Show them how normal it is for couples to show love in this way. The movies may be an exaggeration of relationship-reality, but even the rom-com can accept how Physical Touch is an impactful way to show devotion and fondness for another.
It’s our responsibility not to just take care of our partner, but ourselves and what we need on a spiritual level.
