The Most Popular Love Language in Each U.S. State Revealed

Love is universal, but how someone determines what acts are truly loving depends on the person. “Love languages” are a popular way to determine how someone prefers expressing and receiving love. 

The concept was created by Gary Chapman, Ph.D, who says the five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. 

At Preply, we know how important language is, and as the season of love rolls around, we wanted to find out what love languages Americans prefer in different parts of the country. We recently surveyed more than 2,000 Americans about their preferences related to love languages. 

Key findings 

• Quality time is America’s favorite love language to receive. 

• Acts of service is America’s favorite love language to express.

• Receiving gifts is the least popular love language overall.

• Throughout their life, 65% say preferred love languages change.

• In relationships that didn’t work out, 41% say love languages were not understood.

America’s favorite love languages to express

Think about how you show your love. Do you buy your partner “just because” gifts? Or tell them how much you appreciate them?

To determine each state’s most prominent love language, we calculated the national average response for each language and then reported which love language was significantly above average for each state.

One in five states express their love through physical touch, which could be anything from a simple hand on the shoulder to a romantic massage. Acts of service follows closely behind, with nine states prominently expressing their love through doing chores or errands for their partner. 

The map below shows what love language is particularly popular to give in each state. 

America’s favorite love language to receive

In terms of love languages, Chapman says that each person has one love language that makes them feel the most loved. So while you may love someone, unless you’re speaking their love language, the message may not be clear. 

Across the nation, our survey respondents revealed that the love language Americans love to receive most is quality time. This love language involves spending time with someone and giving them your undivided attention. 

In many cases, the love language Americans like to give is different than what they like to receive, but not always. The chart below shows the states that give and receive love the same way.

States who like to express and receive the same love language

Colorado

Gift giving

Connecticut

Physical touch

Kentucky

Words of affirmation

Maryland

Physical touch

Minnesota

Physical touch

Mississippi

Quality time

Missouri

Physical touch

Nevada

Physical touch

New York

Acts of service

North Carolina

Acts of service

Ohio

Acts of service

West Virginia

Physical touch

The hardest love languages to express 

There are many reasons why expressing a certain love language may be difficult. You might have had a bad experience with it, or it may be so far from your love language that it’s unfamiliar.

We asked Americans what love language is hardest for them to express, and if you’ve ever been in a store before contemplating what someone else would like, you may relate to the 28% of people who said gift giving was the hardest thing to do to show love. Trailing not far behind is words of affirmation.

The rankings below also show us that the easiest love languages for Americans to express are quality time and acts of service. It’s no surprise since those were ranked as Americans’ favorite way to express and receive love.

Love language that is hardest to express

Percentage of people who struggle with it

Gift giving

28%

Words of affirmation

27%

Physical touch

21%

Acts of service

12%

Quality time

12%

We also asked people what they thought about Americans’ capability to express love. We were surprised by which love language respondents thought Americans struggle to express to each other the most. Almost half said Americans struggle with quality time and 3 in 10 reported words of affirmation were a struggle.

Love languages people think others struggle to express

Quality time

43%

Words of affirmation

29%

Acts of service

20%

Physical touch

6%

Gift giving

2%

Love languages preferred by different genders and generations

Acts of love vary across different states and demographics. Your favorite love language to express and receive may be related to your generation. Our survey revealed the love each generation likes to receive and express the most. For every generation, their favorite love language to express is different than the one they’d like to receive.

If you can’t relate to your generation, you may be able to relate to your gender. When it comes to expressing love, our survey revealed that women prefer to offer acts of service and men prefer giving physical touch. 

Below is a list of how each gender ranks the five love languages they prefer receiving. We noticed that the love language each gender ranks first, is the one the other ranks last. 

• Female’s favorite love languages to receive 

1. Quality time

2. Acts of Service

3. Words of affirmation

4. Gift giving

5. Physical touch

• Males’ favorite love languages to receive 

1. Physical touch

2. Gift giving

3. Words of affirmation

4. Acts of service

5. Quality time

How love languages affect relationships

Regardless of your gender or generation, learning to love someone how they prefer to be loved can benefit your relationship. While some believe people with differing love languages can function just fine in a relationship, 41% feel the relationship would struggle if they didn’t share the same love language as their partner. 

It’s wise to be open to change since the love language you prefer today may not be the same one you valued years ago. According to our respondents, 65% say their love languages have changed throughout their life. 

While the importance of love languages varies within relationships, 41% say they have been in a relationship that didn’t work out because their love languages were not understood. 

If you are struggling to understand the love language of your significant other, however, all hope is not lost since 33% of people have reported maintaining successful relationships in which partners did not understand their love languages.

Conclusion

Whether it’s a personal or professional relationship, understanding the love language of another can help strengthen your connection. 

Communicating in love or other languages can be difficult if you don’t understand the language. Although Preply can’t help you to learn the love language of another, we can help you with many other language needs you may have by connecting you with a tutor. 

Methodology:

From January 16, 2023 to January 24, 2023, we surveyed 2,016 Americans across the United States about the love languages they like to give and receive most. States that were excluded due to insufficient data were Alaska, Delaware, Hawaii, Idaho, Maine, Montana, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Dakota, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Vermont and Wyoming. Respondents ranged in age from 18 to 76 years old, and were 54% female, 44% male and 2% nonbinary.