What To Wear To Glastonbury In Your Thirties

It’s Sunday lunchtime at Glastonbury 2011 and after consecutive days of rain, sludge, mud and stuck wellingtons, the weather at Worthy Farm is blistering. And I mean apocalyptically sunstroke-inducingly scorching. Particularly in my tiny tent. A boiling-hot-beer-can-lined inner circle of hell, where I am staring at my only trousers: a pair of H&M pleather leggings, astonishingly comfy and wipe clean, but the exact antithesis of the sort of clothing required for a surprise heatwave.

There’s no way I’m going to risk an overheated trip to the medical tent while awaiting Beyoncé’s much-hyped Pyramid Stage performance, so, I procure a pair of nail clippers (from where I have no recollection), snip my stretch sweat-inducers into shorts, and off I go on my merry way to queue to see Bey.

Faced, this summer, with the idea of attending a UK festival in my thirties, after a pandemic-induced live music hiatus, deciding what to wear has proved as difficult a prospect as securing Glastonbury tickets. Looking back at photos of the festival attire I wore in my early- and mid-twenties has not been revelatory. There are Lurex bikinis, tie-dye American Apparel hoodies, crop tops, cut-off denim shorts and a bulging drawer’s worth of over-the-knee socks. The less said about the photo I find of myself plonked outside a tent as a friend shaves an undercut into the side of my hairline, the better.

So, what to wear when you’re well past flower crowns, glow sticks and glitter, and the concept of indie sleaze is far too fresh for a repeat? What paraphernalia to pack when you’d rather be sipping a cool glass of organic wine than something warm and no longer fizzy from a keg? Here we present the Vogue guide to what to wear to Glastonbury in your thirties (just don’t forget to bring your Berocca).

The hands-free phone holder

Satisfyingly, you no longer need to bring a burner phone with you to Glastonbury, which based on previous experience, would promptly run out of battery leaving you contactless for days. We hear Worthy Farm has phone signal and handy charging points. Cross your iPhone over your shoulder and skip on your merry way.

The back-at-base comfy mule

The allure of arriving back at your tent with a soft, rubber shell mule or clog to slip sore toes into is almost more enticing than actual festival attendance. Embrace the ugly shoe as you ease into a camping chair and re-up on the hydration salts.

The standout sock

The thick festival sock feels more sporty or surf-centric of late. Embrace bold colours, wacky logos and a foot-protecting thick ribbed knit, from brands including Aries, Boiler Room, Gucci and Balenciaga.

The functional fanny pack

Keep your belongings to a minimum, and curate an edited selection of essentials (hand sanitiser, debit card, portable phone charger), for your functional yet fabulous fanny pack.

The disco mini

Shorter skirt lengths are infinitely more practical at festivals, when faced with mud, spilt drinks and (groan) the trip to a Portaloo. A disco minidress will dazzle all day and night long.

The sporty short

Ensure the cut-off denim hot pant stays well in your pre-thirties past, and swap the style for a sporty shape that has vintage flair.

The trippy tee

Psychedelia gets chic for live music season, with a trippy selection of tees to choose from as you enter the festival dimension.

The haute hiking boot

Because you’ve tramped around enough soggy festival sites to know a practical shoe is the correct choice.

The party earring

Go as large as younger revellers with your accessories, opting for an ostentatious pair of party earrings, swathed in rhinestones and feathers.

The hydration station

Because you’re well over drinking warm beer out of a keg. A hands-free water bottle holder will keep you hydrated as you trek to your favourite music tent.

The wellington boot

We admit, we’re holding onto the Hunter wellington era, courtesy of forever Glasto icon Kate Moss.

The heatproof hat

Sunstroke is never chic, particularly when you are old enough to know better. Bolster ’90s rave style with a protective bucket hat.

The beauty bounty

Avoid sunburn, chapped lips and unwashed greasy locks, and give yourself a glow up with a stroke of shimmer.

A windbreaker with wow factor

Shelter from incoming storms in a spectrum of colours and prints. The can’t-miss-it windbreaker is a festival essential.